Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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