I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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