he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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