Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
