the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
