Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
