I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
