dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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