I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize