I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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