you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
