Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
