i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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