singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
