PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
