Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They are going to name an STD after you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize