I'm really into asian looking animals
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
