my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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