So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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