I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize