The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
