she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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