U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you made out with another girl for some wings
not ubering you a puppy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
