Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
