i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He felt like a one man threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
