so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
