Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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