We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
