I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
