you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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