Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish I only lived at night.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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