I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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