she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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