i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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