no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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