Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
youre lurking in front of me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize