I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My ass is underappreciated
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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