my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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