I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize