If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
