For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize