I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish there were birth control emojis
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
