come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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