The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
