I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
