Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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