Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
