After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
