I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just invented taco cereal.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My bed smells like the plague
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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