Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
