she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
