i permit you to call me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
