meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
