bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
