Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
