We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
