My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
