Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
