I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
