I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
