So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
