She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
