Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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