I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
