Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
