I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
