I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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