What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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