i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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