My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
