Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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