You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
