Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
