He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Couch. On fire.
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